Buy Tear Gas!


Oppression polarises. The more tightly people are kept under control, the more radical they are bound to be. Turkey is full of such heavily ideologised splinter groups. You have anarchists and communists in all flavours. They all dream of their own revolution, and they can’t stand each other. On the one hand, they are similar to religious sects and on the other hand they are a bit remindful of the ‘People’s Front of Judea’ and the ‘Judean People’s Front’ from Monty Python’s Life of Brian.

In Turkey, the police are not kidding. In case of sedition they use tear gas first, then they attack, and only afterwards, if needed, they ask questions. Our comrade Mehmet knows. He comes from a noble family of revolutionaries. Tear gas is in his blood. He tells me about a riot last year in Istanbul, when a group of young leftists was dispersed by the police in the small alleys of the old city. His mother was sitting there on a terrace drinking tea when a swarm of youngsters came running by through the street in a haze of tear gas. Mehmet’s mother, an indomitable communist, leaned back comfortably while the poisonous gases were crawling along the houses. She sniffed their smell and sighed: “Mmmm… That brings back memories!”

This type of stories belongs to a revolution, and they will become ever more fantastic. We ourselves are becoming a story as well.

Mehmet also had some interesting news about the riots a few days ago in the Turkish village of Hopa near the Georgian border. Someone was killed in a cloud of tear gas as a result of a heart attack. Now, Turkey supposedly uses a type of tear gas so toxic that in Europe it has been banned. But at that time the Netherlands and Germany still had an enormous supply of it. And they didn’t have it destroyed, of course. That would go against the mercantile spirit. It seems they sold their stock to Turkey. My source on this is Mehmet, if it’s true it should be easy to prove.

Yes folks, I give you a free investment advice for those who want to earn something from the revolution: buy tear gas!

I have more advice. Because some things are easy to predict. You have to know that our utopian village is surrounded by everything we oppose. The palace of government, the banks, the big brands, and, always, a small army of people offering to buy gold.
It’s crazy. There are at least a dozen of them, they work for various pawn shops, they are dressed in fluorescents vests and they try to convince people to sacrifice their family jewelry.

I have an instinctive aversion for this kind of business. These people vegetate on the misery and financial needs of others. And the fact that there are so many of them, and that they are so intrusive, means that there is a huge market for it. The proud people of Spain will try to keep up appearances at all cost, but in the meantime silent poverty is expanding fast.

The gold buyers make good money from it. And if you think about it for a second they have every reason to buy gold. Whenever social unrest is on the rise, people want a safe haven for their capital. The good times of endless investment bubbles can come to a halt just like that. Hence my second advice, comrades: buy gold! Do not buy real estate! Unless you use it for a good purpose, like living in it, you will lose it all after the revolution…



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